3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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