I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
