I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
