note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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