Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
