just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
