This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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