no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
