The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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