i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
