fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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