Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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