bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
