Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
