i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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