I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you had me at cake vodka
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
