my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
