I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
