glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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