shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
