dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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