like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
