My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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