i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
