whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
