Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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