Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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