What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
