He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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