You're completely useless in the revolution.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
