opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
