Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
