Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize