Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
