I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
