I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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