took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm at about main and main street
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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