I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
