grandma shit on top of the toilet
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
