as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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