i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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