oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
