just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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