can u get pink eye on your cock?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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