It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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