UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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