yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
