when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
