it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
