Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
