so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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