i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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