She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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