Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
