if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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