id be glad to
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
