i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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