we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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