So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
