shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
