i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
