dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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