Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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